Ways to Annoy The 300
by Kos-Mos607
Summary: Another dumb list by me. No Spartan is safe!
1. Chapter 1

My new series, yay! I've been doing this lists for a while and figured it should try this fandom, since I adore it so much

**Ways to Annoy king Leonidas**

**1)** Mispronounce his name constantly

**2)** Fallow him everywhere screaming "THIS IS SPARTA"

**3)** Ask him where he got the speedo because spandex won't be invented for another 5000 years

**4)** Stare at him for a long period of time

**5)** When he demands to know why say "I know about you and Dilios, how come you didn't let me watch?"

**6)** Compare the symbolism of the 300 to Gladiator

**7)** Ask him if there really is such as thing as "Spartan reserve"

**8)** Sing songs from The Phantom of the Opera constantly and laugh at his blank look

**9)** Flirt with him whenever the queen is around

**10)** Introduce him to slash

**11)** Insist on formally announcing him whenever he enters a room

**12)** Make your speeches long and very stupid

**13)** Tell him Theron has a crush on him

**14)** Ask if he shaves or waxes his legs

**15)** Then ask if he can do yours

**16)** Play 'knock-and-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.

**17)** Cough loudly during his strategy sessions and mumble stuff like "Whatever you say boss" and "Haven't y'all ever seen Troy?"

**18)** Scream "Persians" every few minutes and laugh when he jumps to attention with his spear and shield

**19)** Tell him Ephialtes is really his son

**20)** Walk around saying "If this is supposed to be Greece how come you're not walking around naked?"

**21)** Repeatedly ask him what the hell a giant bottomless pit is doing in the middle of his city

**22)** When he gives his heroic speech at the end of the movie about dining in hell, scream "Historical inaccuracy!"

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I actually did 22 when if first saw it. LOL


	2. Chapter 2

I meant to update this sooner, sorry.

**Ways to Annoy Dilios**

**1)** Always refer to him as "The Chatty One"

**2)** Use every excuse in the book to fondle him

**3)** Call him Farimir all the time

**4)** Laugh evilly when he gets mad

**5)** Talk like a pirate and cover one of your eyes whenever he's around

**6)** Draw cute little stick figures of him and Leonidas getting it on and show it to him

**7)** Get him drunk and make him tell the story of it, in _full_ detail

**8)** Use every excuse you can think of to make him say "Mother-less dogs" cause he's so cute when he says it

**10)** Always point out the fact that his spear is 'limp' compared to the rest of the 300 (you all know what I mean)

**11)** Whenever he's around a group of people ask him if he's gonna 'get freaky' with the local boys

**12)** Shrug innocently and pop back with "What, I saw Dust" when he gives you a confused look

**13)** Make him pick an accent and stay with if for the entire movie!

**14)** Call him old scar face whenever you need something

**15)** Grunt and cough out "Historical Inaccuracy" whenever he says the word 'Hell' in his narrating.

**16)** Tell him you really don't buy the whole 'we don't touch boys' thing.

**17)** Then bring up how young Astinos and Stelios look

**18)** Hum "The Song That Never Ends" endlessly until it's stuck in his head

**19)** Fall over laughing when he screams because of it

**20)** Constantly bring up how hot and heavy his voice gets when he's describing the sweat on Leonidas's neck, his helmet hair and what not…

**21)** Always ask him why he isn't walking around naked like he was in the book

**22)** Tell him he runs and charges like a girl

Reviews are much loved dears.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you _JusticeHarmonyLynnWilder_ for the ideas

**Ways to Annoy Astinos**

**1)** Tease him about being pretty

**2)** And being a virgin

**3)** Offer constantly to relieve him of that title

**4)** Call PETA on him for killing the Rhino

**5)** Fondle him every time he walks by you

**6)** Ship him with Stelios because they're almost cannon

**7)** Tell him Ephialtes is his number one fanboy

**8)** Sell him to the Ephors as an Oracle, he's pretty enough

**9)** When Leonidas and his father discuss him never feeling a woman's warmth, yell out very loudly "He's GAY!"

**10)** Then further embarrass him buy saying "Oh just leave him alone, the poor man is embarrassed enough without you screaming it to the whole group!"

**11)** Hide all of his razors so he can grow some manly hair

**12)** Or buy him some Old Spice

**13)** Spend hours looking at him and his father for no reason

**14)** Then claim you didn't see any family resemblance

**15)** Assign yourself to be his "Official" pimp

**16)** Give his nice, firm, round ass weird names

**17)** When Stelios and him start their little shoving matches yell at the top of your lungs for them to quit flirting

**18)** Make sure Leonidas hears you

**19)** Give him lesions on how to properly DUCK when approached by a horseman

**20)** Write really graphic slash fics about him and the other Spartans

**21)** Make him read them out loud

**22)** Send him to Athens, the place were they REALLY appreciate pretty, young boys


End file.
